How to unmake a good movie.

Like food, some movies shouldn’t be left out past their expiration dates. If left out there too long, they just go bad.

This movie is just plain awful. Truly, utterly, awful and  like food that goes bad, it smells. It’s ok to have a bad movie as a guilty pleasure, Armageddon is mine, but this movie is so unpleasing that you’ll have to flush twice to get rid of it.

The concept for the movie when it was originally written was probably a great one, then Lucas started adding his horrible dialog and it just got out of hand from there. Lucas just can’t write dialog. He just can’t and anyone that says he can is just some poor Star Wars Fanboy that thinks the paper under Lucas’s pen is sacred. Well, in this case its just putrid.

The franchise was at its best when the first movie was released. It was awesome. Everything was possible. Nothing in the movie was too outrageous. It was possible to accomplish all the things Indy did in the movie. I didn’t have to suspend my disbelief that far. It was a true action movie that had acting and heart. This time, not so much.

First, you have to can get past the terrible, phoned in acting. Its very evident that Mr. Ford just did it for the money. There is no excitement, no charisma to his character. He had his hand out and they just piled the money on. Look, the last Die Hard movie was a bit of a stretch, but its Oscar winning material compared to this crap, plus Bruce Willis spends most of the time laughing during the movie because even he knows its crap. Then you have the supporting cast, which with the dialog that Lucas wrote, didn’t have a chance.

Then you have to deal with the completely outrageous special effects action. I mean, I can think of some creative things to do in a movie, but sword fighting while straddling two moving vehicles, which, by the way, was done in one of the recent Star Wars movies, is just stupid. Especially since its been done before. Then there is the Tarzan act which, I’m not even going to get into.

Look, I’m no movie critic, but this movie is a must miss. Someone at the studio was passing out hits of acid the day this movie got screened, because it should be hidden away in a vault till some courageous adventurer comes and rescues it from Spielberg and Lucas or at least throws it on a fire. i would see Event Horizon or Sphere again before i saw this movie for free on a network.

Lucky for me, I didn’t have to spend any money on this crappola, the boss man treated all of us, but for those that are worried about spending the money, go see Iron Man again, trust me. You will thank me later.

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~ by oakstout on May 26, 2008.

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